It will never cease to amaze me how my apparent reception amongst my online friends can effect my real life mood, and also how I seem to have an uncanny knack to make history repeat itself.
Let's start with the first. For reasons which I'm going to deem to private to even post on my somewhat unread blog I have managed to seperate myself from my closest online friends in WoW and, to be honest this has made the game pointless for me. What has happened is that I considered one a close WoW friend, met the other and considered them too a close WoW friend, introduced them to each other and well... they left me behind. I'm not saying I had no part in this, because I did but the driving force behind my emotional backlash on them was pretty much that I felt one had stolen the other from me. Although I don't tell either of them this because hey, it's retarded.
And history repeating itself? Yeah. This is what happened months ago back on Darkmoon Faire with Miyev and is basically what caused me to move server. It's looking likely that I may end up moving again, but who knows?
All I do know is that I feel almost completly alienated on WoW. Isolated, unwanted and unappreciated. And it's making me feel shit in real life, which coincidently isn't all that fabby either.
I swear being an adult was supposed to stop all this adolescant bullshit, but apparently that isn't how the world works.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Thursday, 23 October 2008
#74
Dear life.
I dislike you lots at the moment. If I didn't have things to do, like reading a whole fucking novel, going to class and writing three essays, I would sleep until monday.
Fuck it.
I dislike you lots at the moment. If I didn't have things to do, like reading a whole fucking novel, going to class and writing three essays, I would sleep until monday.
Fuck it.
Sunday, 19 October 2008
#73
Dear Mr. Person who I can talk to without feeling a burden,
I feel pretty shit. I'm very insecure about things with girl. I'm terrible with jealousy, absoloutly fucking terrible, but I still feel it's unfair on anyone for to show someone who is interested in them conversations of other guys giving them compliments, and talking about other guys who are in closer proximity to her and generally have more than a 1% chance of being with her.
We've been talking about meeting. She's working 7 days a week at the moment, so we just can't. She told me she had next Saturday off, I said I'd come see her. She said no. Makes me feel pretty bad, really. I guess I wanna see her more than she wants to see me.
Which in turn makes me have the insecurity that I like her more than she likes me, which isn't a nice feeling to have. I really had hoped for once that things were reasonably mutual, and now I'm not so sure.
I feel like I can't please her.
Emo rant. Argh. Feelings. Fail. Feels like I'm 16 again.
I feel pretty shit. I'm very insecure about things with girl. I'm terrible with jealousy, absoloutly fucking terrible, but I still feel it's unfair on anyone for to show someone who is interested in them conversations of other guys giving them compliments, and talking about other guys who are in closer proximity to her and generally have more than a 1% chance of being with her.
We've been talking about meeting. She's working 7 days a week at the moment, so we just can't. She told me she had next Saturday off, I said I'd come see her. She said no. Makes me feel pretty bad, really. I guess I wanna see her more than she wants to see me.
Which in turn makes me have the insecurity that I like her more than she likes me, which isn't a nice feeling to have. I really had hoped for once that things were reasonably mutual, and now I'm not so sure.
I feel like I can't please her.
Emo rant. Argh. Feelings. Fail. Feels like I'm 16 again.
Thursday, 16 October 2008
#72
Do some people simply not care when they look like retards when they type? I mean... seriously. A random, anon quote plucked from Facebook:
"sally when ur bk from work ...just 2 let ya no.. il ring u in morning xxx."
What? Just... what?
"sally when ur bk from work ...just 2 let ya no.. il ring u in morning xxx."
What? Just... what?
Sunday, 12 October 2008
Thursday, 9 October 2008
#70
Hello again. So, I haven't updated since May. If you wanna know what's happened in the months between then and now I shall sumerise for you:
I did exams, I passed exams, I got a student house, I went home for the holidays, I got nagged (but well fed), I got a job, I lost a job (contract end - I never get fired), I played WoW loads, I moved back to uni, I started term again and BINGO here we are.
Isn't my life dull?
Anyhoo, onto 'interesting' things. Life has thrown an unexpeted curve at me recently. I shall name this curve "girl". And no, it's not Beth. Although, on the subject of Beth I saw her earlier in the week and all I have to say is that I have damn good taste in women, yet alas, they don't seem to be very reciprocal. Anyway, things have been both fantastic and terrible with girl. Most days I manage to mood swing from extatic to depressed within the blink of an eye. I feel like I'm 14 again, and Rachel is fucking up my life. It's something that I generally don't like to be reminded of, but when it's good, it's GOOD.
So yeah, yesterday wasn't the best of days when it came to this. In fact, it was probably one of the worst if not -the- worst day since it all started. As such, I got very upset and very angry. It was my luck that it happened to co-inside with a night that my housemates all wanted to go drinking because there was cheap booze. Big, big mistake. I went downstairs and was offereda can of Strongbow before we left, which I polished off in about 2 minutes. Get to the pub, get a pint of Hobgoblin - I didn't want this because I asked for Old Rosie, but I downed it anyway because hey... I payed for it. After the Hob, I went and got the Old Rosie I so-very-much wanted. Now, Old Rosie is an 8% vol Cider, and should really be spread out over like half an hour so you don't mush yourself. But... I wanted to must myself. It went down in about three minutes with a shot of Jägermeister in between for good measure.
Not long after, it all started hitting me. Blurry vision, hard to walk, the works. Then I got really emotional, and I had to be taken outside by my mate where I do believe I cried. I think we went to the park and I cried some more, then laughed. It was quite odd, and a little bipolar. I don't really remember much of what was going on, or what I was saying (although I know the subject matter) but I could switch between heavy, dreadful tears and extatic laughter in the blink of an eye. But I wasn't laughing at anything funny. I think I was laughing at how pathetically depressed I was.
Eventually Jethro managed to get me home and into my room. Much to my suprise, MSN wasn't locked down. I must've forgotten to do it. There were some pretty worried messages for me, which sucked. I was drunk enough to realise I'd really worried someone, but not to do anything about it other than probably make it worse. I kept trying to talk to her (as best as a drunk person can) through trips to the loo to throw up, which I did frquently for about an hour or so. We finally both managed to get to bed and sleep, although I imagine she felt pretty damn shit and I was just fucked.
Drinking doesn't solve problems. It makes them worse. I'm fairly certain I'm shitted when it comes to girl, and it's pretty much my own fault. But you know? That's how things go for me. One day, I'll learn from the many, many mistakes I make.
I did exams, I passed exams, I got a student house, I went home for the holidays, I got nagged (but well fed), I got a job, I lost a job (contract end - I never get fired), I played WoW loads, I moved back to uni, I started term again and BINGO here we are.
Isn't my life dull?
Anyhoo, onto 'interesting' things. Life has thrown an unexpeted curve at me recently. I shall name this curve "girl". And no, it's not Beth. Although, on the subject of Beth I saw her earlier in the week and all I have to say is that I have damn good taste in women, yet alas, they don't seem to be very reciprocal. Anyway, things have been both fantastic and terrible with girl. Most days I manage to mood swing from extatic to depressed within the blink of an eye. I feel like I'm 14 again, and Rachel is fucking up my life. It's something that I generally don't like to be reminded of, but when it's good, it's GOOD.
So yeah, yesterday wasn't the best of days when it came to this. In fact, it was probably one of the worst if not -the- worst day since it all started. As such, I got very upset and very angry. It was my luck that it happened to co-inside with a night that my housemates all wanted to go drinking because there was cheap booze. Big, big mistake. I went downstairs and was offereda can of Strongbow before we left, which I polished off in about 2 minutes. Get to the pub, get a pint of Hobgoblin - I didn't want this because I asked for Old Rosie, but I downed it anyway because hey... I payed for it. After the Hob, I went and got the Old Rosie I so-very-much wanted. Now, Old Rosie is an 8% vol Cider, and should really be spread out over like half an hour so you don't mush yourself. But... I wanted to must myself. It went down in about three minutes with a shot of Jägermeister in between for good measure.
Not long after, it all started hitting me. Blurry vision, hard to walk, the works. Then I got really emotional, and I had to be taken outside by my mate where I do believe I cried. I think we went to the park and I cried some more, then laughed. It was quite odd, and a little bipolar. I don't really remember much of what was going on, or what I was saying (although I know the subject matter) but I could switch between heavy, dreadful tears and extatic laughter in the blink of an eye. But I wasn't laughing at anything funny. I think I was laughing at how pathetically depressed I was.
Eventually Jethro managed to get me home and into my room. Much to my suprise, MSN wasn't locked down. I must've forgotten to do it. There were some pretty worried messages for me, which sucked. I was drunk enough to realise I'd really worried someone, but not to do anything about it other than probably make it worse. I kept trying to talk to her (as best as a drunk person can) through trips to the loo to throw up, which I did frquently for about an hour or so. We finally both managed to get to bed and sleep, although I imagine she felt pretty damn shit and I was just fucked.
Drinking doesn't solve problems. It makes them worse. I'm fairly certain I'm shitted when it comes to girl, and it's pretty much my own fault. But you know? That's how things go for me. One day, I'll learn from the many, many mistakes I make.
Thursday, 1 May 2008
#69
This one is especially for Rai. Not only because I thought of him when I saw #69 (Mmm... yeah~) but because he says my blog in interesting. Thus, I shall try and keep it up again.
So, what's goin' on with the D-to-the-A-to-the-V-to-the-O? Lulz... rap. Anyway, not much. It's exam term (horray) which means I have more time to waste on WoW! I er... mean, more time to revise!
I had my Fapanese exam today (lol, Aaron. "Wat's fapanese??? QQ"). It went better than I thought. I know i've fucked up various things like partical use (and not the kind in physics), but on other sections I know I've got 90-100% so... it evens out.
What's in store tomorow, eh? REVISION SEMINARS. Wooo~ I already slept throgh one, so I'd better go to these. They're just dull as fucking your hand for the 4047047457405th time. In the evening I'm down the pub to see MUTANT ZOMBIE FOETUS, because I want to hear Sam's FFIX song. It'd better be good, or else! I hate the pub. D:<
Erm... bored now. So... bai.
So, what's goin' on with the D-to-the-A-to-the-V-to-the-O? Lulz... rap. Anyway, not much. It's exam term (horray) which means I have more time to waste on WoW! I er... mean, more time to revise!
I had my Fapanese exam today (lol, Aaron. "Wat's fapanese??? QQ"). It went better than I thought. I know i've fucked up various things like partical use (and not the kind in physics), but on other sections I know I've got 90-100% so... it evens out.
What's in store tomorow, eh? REVISION SEMINARS. Wooo~ I already slept throgh one, so I'd better go to these. They're just dull as fucking your hand for the 4047047457405th time. In the evening I'm down the pub to see MUTANT ZOMBIE FOETUS, because I want to hear Sam's FFIX song. It'd better be good, or else! I hate the pub. D:<
Erm... bored now. So... bai.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
